Wrong Number - Texting Gone Horribly, Hilariously Wrong
by E. Christopher Clark | Friday, June 5, 2009
When I woke up this morning, there were three text messages waiting for me on my iPhone. I don’t have a texting plan, and most people I know are aware of that and therefore only text me when it’s absolutely necessary. So, having three messages waiting was a bit unexpected. Quite curious, I opened them up to read them first-thing. Here’s what #1 said:
Serously,, she was here,, I told u when I got out the car that if she wasn’t here u can come and but she was here.Right after we argued i kickd her out my crib
and number two:
Well I am sorry,, its ok if I don’t want 2 talk 2 me but if u do end up wantn 2 I will be here 4 u 2 talk 2 me. U are a great girl and ur way betta than her.
and finally, number three:
Well it was nice knowing you.. I wish you would talk 2 me at least. But u don’t have the balls.. And quite frankly us criticize urself, cuz u involved wit ya man.
Obviously, I felt compelled to respond. I didn’t want to be the cause of a huge misunderstanding between two people who would otherwise be cheating on their significant others with each other.
So, I sent him a brief message. “You have the wrong number,” I typed. “Sorry.”
And this is what I got back:
My bad it was 430 and I just totally knocked out.. And becuz I did ur gonna say I have the wrong #.give me some slack.. I’m sorry..no prob with u cumn here at 12
Annoyed at this point, but still feeling like it was my duty to inform him that he wasn’t being played, I typed, “No, dude. Seriously, you have the wrong number. I am a guy, not a girl, and I don’t know who you are.”
This prompted three more messages, and a phone call from an blocked/unlisted number so that he could hear my voice. Here’s the first of that new blast:
Hey whatever,, I think I know ur fukn # kim…
and here’s the second:
Hey,, stephen tell kim if she don’t want 2 talk 2 me that she can act like a grown up and tell me herself.. Ayight…
and, finally, the third:
And I know ur poice stephen cuz ur the 1 who sold me bud last nite
At this point, I turned on the caps-lock. And here’s what I wrote. “I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SHIT. I DON’T HAVE A TEXT PLAN AND EACH TIME YOU SEND ME SOMETHING IT COSTS ME.”
And what did I get for my very clear response? Three more messages.
#1:
Yep hahaha whatever,, I’ve only been texting her on this # for 2 days now and now it aint her phone—I wasn’t born yesterday but ok
#2, at which point I said to myself ‘One more, and I’m calling his stupid ass.’:
Ha,,, its all good ur only saying this cuz she said 4 me 2 not hit her up anymore…have some ballz stephen..
and, finally, #3, the straw that broke this camel’s back:
No wonder why her and her babies father aint 2gether cuz she’s mad wack.I dont’ want her anyways.So lata.Tell kim 2 wear condoms wit all the aids guys she fuks
The moment after this last one came in, I picked up the phone, dialed the motherfucker’s number and waited. He picked up and said something to the effect of, “Hey, whoever this is, I’m sorry. I just realized…” And, at that point, I started laughing. I laughed and I said. “It’s alright. Sorry you’re having a bad day.”
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Comments
Bryan White says:
That’s an awful lot of U’s and 2’s. Reminds me of a Negativland song.
Mary Ann says:
you are a better person than me… that was funny… glad at&t;will refund you:)
beth says:
My mind is reeling about the number of things that dude just admitted to a complete stranger he couldn’t see.
Yo Mamma says:
I would have ripped this guy a new one and sent him a bill
unclephil says:
that is so awesome!...i totally think that you should either a) work it into a song, b) incorporate it into your writing, or c) write an entire screenplay on two characters who met this way and live happily ever after…
loquaciousmuse says:
Wait, what did he say after you said “Sorry you’re having a bad day” ?!?! did he ever realize it wasn’t kim?! This story is amazing, i need more!
Hans says:
I agree with mouse - can you text him and find out what happened?
E. Christopher Clark says:
Wow. What an awesome response to this.
What he said—I cut it off to avoid printing a phone number—was, “I realized that her number was 978-555-1212.” The number was a couple digits off from mine. Yes, he realized I wasn’t Kim.
BUT…... later in the day, after I’d posted this, he texted me one more time!!! I didn’t respond to this one, figuring he figured out that he’d done it again, but I simply have to share it.
Here’s what he typed that last time: “Well it depends.. I didn’t mean it as an ignorant way but.. I mean I would have sex with you.. If ud let me.. So in a sense yea, but in a sense no.. Why..”
Any thoughts on that?!?
Leslie Poston says:
You should stick these up on textsfromlastnight.com (warning, pop up heavy)
Hysterical, and you are way more patient than I am…
Mary Ann says:
This has been the best Chris… I agree you need to do a short story on this one… there is something so wrong with this guy…talk about trying to mend the fence and save a possible booty call…WOW! thanks so much for sharing
Jena says:
Clearly, this is an ongoing conversation between him and Kim… so why isn’t he hitting “reply” to her texts? I think you should share his number with all of us. ;)
E. Christopher Clark says:
@Jena - I have no idea. He obviously doesn’t know how to use his phone. Or he’s smoking too much of the bud that Stephen sold him the other night.
@Mary Ann - His motivations are… I have no idea. I’m thinking back to my Directing class in college where we had to scan each line to analyze what was behind it. I would flunk if I had to analyze this.
@Leslie - Thanks for that link. Gotta check that out. Will watch out for devious pop-ups.
Kara says:
All that funny and it only cost $1.20…totally worth it!
E. Christopher Clark says:
Well, in the end, it didn’t cost me anything. They refunded me. :-)
Thanks for stopping by, Kara.
Leah says:
Haha! That’s hilarious! You should have been a super jerk and told him to meet you somewhere to talk - and then shown up, pretending to be Kim, and act like you didn’t understand why he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.